He Likes to Ride His Bicycle

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson cycling in Beeston, summer 2020

Our Beloved Leader likes to get out and about on his bicycle when he has free time on Plague Island. Whilst us plebs have been told to stay local – that is, local to your village or part of town – it was reported today that de Pfeffel either cycled or drove to Olympic Park in East London, seven miles away from Downing Street. There are no photographs of his excursion, but there were reported sightings.

Guardian impression of de Pfeffel Johnson’s possible route (The Guardian)

It is currently unconfirmed whether he was testing his eyesight, as this was once counted as a valid reason for travel. Regardless, Plague Island Death Secretary, Matt Hancock, was asked at a press conference today whether the seven mile trip was within the current rules. Hancock said, “It is okay, if you went for a long walk and ended up seven miles from home, that is okay, but you should stay local.” (BBC News).

What does than even mean? If you have ended up seven miles away from your home, you will have walked out of your village or part of town. You are either allowed to be seven miles away from your home, or you are not.

Similarly, on 8th January it was reported that two women drove 5 miles from their homes to have a walk at Foremark Reservoir in Derbyshire. They arrived in separate cars, and walked together in a socially distanced manner, but were surrounded by police when they returned to their cars after their walk. The women had each packed a hot drink, but these were classed as a picnic. They were told by Derbyshire Police that their walk “was not in the spirit of lockdown.” Jessica Allen and Eliza Moore were each fined £200 (BBC News). Today, the women had their fines revoked (The Guardian), most likely due to the bad press the story was generating.

This contrast demonstrates another significant problem: the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ attitude. It isn’t the first time it’s happened, and it won’t be the last. No doubt all this will end in some kind of appeasement: the police with speak with Our Beloved Leader and agree that he did nothing wrong. He will have nothing to answer for. The End.

It’s why people feel increasingly less like we’re all in this together. The fabled ‘Blitz Spirit’ is under increasing strain.

~ L&A 11.1.21 ~




2 thoughts on “He Likes to Ride His Bicycle

  1. Another brilliant and witty analogy of this totalitarian system of government with de Pfeiffer at the helm.
    I immersed myself in the fantasy that he had simply lost track of his mileage whilst evaluating The Social Mobilty Commisions State of the Nation 2018 to 2019 report that highlights inequality in Britain; and clearly states that inequality in now entrenched in Britain from birth to work; and the government needs to take urgent action to help close the privilege gap. It revealed that social mobilty has been stagnant for the last 4 years.
    Sadly I was daydreaming on incredible adventures in virtual reality and realised that it was simply another them and us moment.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: