Boris Buys Curtains Whilst The People Die

Illustration by Dave Brown, The Independent, 28th April 2021

Do you know what I would find amazing and some kind of poetic justice?

If the Rt.Dishonourable Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson was kicked out of office/forced to resign due to the what is coming to be known as the ‘Cash for Curtains’ scandal; that he and Symonds never get to stay long enough to enjoy their grotesque No.11 refurb.

It comes to something if this is what is eventually Johnson’s undoing, rather than the amount of avoidable Covid deaths we’ve had (I say avoidable because, had the UK been better prepared and taken a different course of action, we would not have had so many deaths and counting). However, the cracks are beginning to show and we are glad of this.

If this is going to be his downfall, it just feels delightfully befitting that the expensive patterned curtains could form the rope that might metaphorically hang him, because John Lewis curtains aren’t good enough for Boris and ‘Cash and’ Carrie. EwwwOrdinary people might have these!

For many people here, John Lewis products are a mark of quality and for many, are an aspiration. This Lulu Lytle v. John Lewis products and décor is an absolute reminder that the man who pretends to be like us, isn’t at all. Johnson is a snob; he and his girlfriend are highly class conscious as they can’t live with anything that the ‘little people’ might have. 

But, to be fair, you have to trust that Johnson knows about curtain quality. After all, it does feel like he has attended more curtain design consultations than he has COBRA meetings over the past year.

This man lives every aspect of his life in a bloated haze of opulence, decadence, greed and vulgarity. Whilst he plays his fiddle, people like us suffer and die. Let the bodies pile high in their thousands. He cares more about the furnishings in his and his mistress’s huge apartment than the dangerous cladding still on thousands of flats on Plague Island; he cares more about sneaking hampers through the back door of Downing Street than the does the thousands of people using food banks in this country. He cares more about all this frivolity than the does the thousands upon thousands of deaths he contributed to.

If the curtains are indeed the thing that brings him down, he still must be held to account for his appalling and wilful negligence. 

~ L&A 29.4.21 ~

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